What is Valuing?

The Process of Valuing is how we interact with others based on what we value most and our values. Let me unpack that a bit;

We have a core of what we value most. This is what we will protect at all cost and have subscribed our belief, behaviour and actions on. How we view ourselves and invest in our body, mind, soul and heart is based on our core. These bloom in our lives as values or rules of engagement. These rules are our lenses to the world. We see ourselves based on these values and constantly justify our lives through these lenses. Our Core based values are also how we see others and ultimately judge them.

For example, if a person has a core of financial wealth. They will have a very structured life around money and finances. Everything they do can always be traced back to how they perceive money. Their dress code, possessions, faith, personal image and relationships are wealth focused. When they introduce themselves they will use their financial standing in life to justify their position in a crowd or to make a point in a conversation. Their values will also be financially motivated with the protection of wealth as their main agenda in life. All their actions will be geared to either accumulation of retention of money. This also flows to how they perceive and judge others. They will, on meeting a person, be able to place them in an order or category based on financial standing. Putting down those who are deemed ‘poor’ or unfit for company. They may tolerate them for the purpose of gaining something but will rarely offer advice or riches to them as it will be deemed an unwise investment with little or no return.

Value Based Leadership

Value based leadership come into play as leaders, based on their core and values attempt to led others with often different cores and values down a road that they are sure is fitting for all. Leaders see the word and outcomes of projects as validated and just from their perspective. The difficulty comes in the way others may see the same outcomes and not buy into the project at all. This is often the first issue that comes to light as a leader. We need to begin to see life through the lenses of the people we work with and lead. This will assist in determining their motivation for doing what they do and make it hugely easier to get others down a road towards a goal.

Unlike the Russian dairy farmer who out performed all other dairies in the area by motivating her cows each day with a motivational talk of “Good morning cows, today you do one of two things, either more milk or more beef, you decide”, we cannot lead people like that. The day of autocratic, do as I say, is over and will often repel people rather than motivate them.

Transactional Analysis plays a huge role in leadership and calls for the adult-to-adult conversation at all times. As soon as we find ourselves falling into the Parent-to-child conversation we move back into our own values and judgement leading to fear based leadership. Our aim as a leader is to treat others as adults at all times understanding their motivation for doing what they do or have done and modified that through their belief system not trying to force them through yours.

Humans are the only creatures who are able to process our actions through what we call the Gap theory.  All other creatures work on an action – reaction life style. What the physic world call the ‘fight or flight’ reaction, for any action there is a reaction. This can be seen in emotionally immature people as they react to even the smallest action to themselves based on their core with very little thought to the desired outcome. This knee jerk reaction is almost always harmful to the relationship and could be regretted later.

The Gap theory when learnt and applied allows us to, just for a fraction of a second, press the pause on life between action and reaction to ask and answer the following questions;

  • What is this happening?
  • Who is involved?
  • Why are they doing this?
  • What reaction do they want?
  • What reaction do I initially want?
  • What would be the best-desired outcome?
  • What reaction would determine this desired outcome?
  • Will it be beneficial to all?

OK, let’s do it…

This once learnt and practised, can assist in making better leaders and certainly improve relationship all around.

All these are ways that we value others. In a form of hierarchy of process it works like this:

  • We have a core that is precious and important to us.
  • We set up rules to protect this core, our values
  • We treat and invest in ourselves based on these values
  • We include, treat and protect our families based on our core based values.
  • We see and judge others based on our value tinted lenses
  • We expect others to behave and react like we do
  • We see business opportunities based on serving and enhancing our core
  • As we mature emotionally as leaders we understand the gap between our lenses and those of others in our family, business and daily life.
  • We are able to shift our motivations and leadership style to suit those we lead and interact with.
  • We are able to determine the desired reaction not based on our core but the greater good and change our behaviour accordingly.


We are complex beings with many different functions purposes and outworkings. We are able to determine our core belief and values and live according to what we decide. We need to understand others and how they see life in order to interact and lead them from point A to point B. We cannot expect to treat everyone else like we treat ourselves; we may not be right all the time and need to learn from others and how they see life.

Leadership is not a science but an art. The art of human relationships is always dynamic, impossible to master and never ending. Being a leader of men is a huge responsibility and needs to be faced daily with humility and openness to change and new ideas. Adapting to new circumstances, systems and patterns of behaviour, but without ever sacrificing your core, your values and yourself, is what makes a true leader great.